Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
December 7, 2010
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
614
Favourites
10 (who?)
Comments
59
×

I need opinions! X'D

Journal Entry: Tue Dec 7, 2010, 8:33 PM


I'm writing a flash fiction for my creative writing class, and I want some nice people to read it for me and give me their interpretations ;A;

It isn't too long, just one Microsoft word page ;w;

Basically, what we were supposed to practice was the use of an ordinary object (clothing, jewelry, something on the body) to give a deeper meaning to the story.

So look for symbolism~

This is Sara, the girl with the scarf in the story: kikiine.deviantart.com/art/Sar…
and Laura doesn't have a design yet. LOL;;;

I might consider making this into a short comic...

OH and it's slightly inspired by this song: www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kgsK1…

"Are you better now?" Laura asked her best friend. A pair of brown eyes stared down sternly into a puddle of clear blue ones.
"No problem," she answered, muffling through the scarf Laura had given her so many years ago. She dropped her blue eyes from the questioning brown stare, and touched the scarf uncomfortably. She didn't like wearing this scarf that quieted her voice, but she felt she had to.
"Good, cause nobody wants to hear your pathetic problems anyways. I'll see you tomorrow then, Sara," she said, giving her friend a hug. "And cheer up, okay?" Then turned and strode away.
"Mh," she muffled through her scarf again. Watching Laura as she faded into the distance, Sara clung tight to a little silver bell hanging from the scarf by a single thread. She knew it needed to be re-attached, but she didn't have the confidence to do it properly, nor the nerve to burden someone else to help her. Laura had always told her to keep her problems to herself, after all.
Day after day Sara would go about muffling lies through her blue and white striped scarf, and fingering the bell. As each day came and went, Sara could feel the thread losing its grip on the small object. As each fiber unwound, and each thread weakened, Sara's mind would stray to despair, and her heart slipped further and further into sorrow.
What was she good for? As much as she loved the beautiful, shining bell, she wasn't even capable of mending it. Holding the bell was both a blessing and a burden, and so she clung to it relentlessly with silent desperation. It was all she had, and it was the only thing she couldn't bear to lose.
The next day, Laura strode confidently up Sara's driveway to visit, as she always did. A knock at the stiff door. No answer.
"Sara?" she called, banging harder this time. "I know you're home! Look, I've brought you some cookies! My mom just made them! ...Sara?" she waited another moment. "Well, I'm coming in then. I sure hope you're decent, woman!"
Laura pushed open the door that had always been kept unlocked for her, and stepped into the little hallway that led straight to the kitchen. A plate of cookies dropped, shattered on the floor, and a pair of brown eyes stared wide with disbelief and horror.
In the kitchen, attached to the light fixture, there hung a blue and white striped scarf that had forever muffled the soft voice of a puddle of blue eyes. Her face pale and lifeless, her eyes dead and mournful, and a silver bell hopeless and un-mended on the ground just below.

  • Mood: Neutral
  • Listening to: Rolling Girl
Add a Comment:
 
:iconvsis:
VSIS Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013
Scarf - Bottling up.

Bell - Sara's drive to live.

Threads - Sara's mental health.

Did I get the symbols right?
Reply
:iconvsis:
VSIS Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013
Did I?
Reply
:iconvsis:
VSIS Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013
Scarf = the self-surpression of her inner conflicts. Early on in Sara's life, one can assume that she was initially outgoing at the beginning. However, Laura influenced her to bottle up herself (unintentionally), causing Sara to face her inner demons, alone. Initially, as a scarf keeps one warm, the bottling up kept Sara floating, or at least that was what I assumed. Anyhow, like scarves tend to do, the bottling up was muffling her cries for help, choking her silently. Although she tried to cry out for help, the scarf, aka the habit of bottling up, quieted her requests, and finally crushed her.

The bell = Sara's hope. Hope is a critical factor for most humans to survive, especially for those wishing to get to a better state of mind/body. Here, Sara's hope could be her hope for living day-to-day, hope for becoming useful for once in her useless life. However, as soon as that wipes out, all motivation for life is gone.

The bell's threads = Obviously the timer she set for herself. Sara's vitality is measured by the strength of the threads, which inevitably dwindles over time. However, she is unable to replenish nor fortify this drive to live, as she was taught specifically NOT to ask for help. Sara, like most people in this world, cannot live without the support of others. So, when she is cut off from any chance to heal her mind, the inevitable happens.

Laura, on the other hand, does NOT possess these handicaps. Her very nature allows her to live confidently, independently, and outgoingly. As much as Sara doesn't speak her mind, Laura is a chatterbox. However, it may be because of the lack of a third party that Laura begins to dominate over Sara's life, to which the point where she unintentionally teaches her best friend, Sara, to kill off her hopes and dreams. Because these several factors, Sara killed herself.

That is my interpretation of your short story, which I enjoyed dissecting.
Reply
:iconnesie1525:
nesie1525 Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012  Student General Artist
NOEEESSS WHY WHY WHY *..this is like a horror story* Why would she died when the bell unconnected(sorry don't know any other word)?!
deviantART muro drawing Comment Drawing
Reply
:iconselfproclaimedcobalt:
SelfProclaimedCobalt Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2011  Student Digital Artist
Oh, wow.. This is beautiful ;A;
Reply
:iconkikiine:
Kikiine Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2011  Student Digital Artist
OOF! ;O;/ thank you!
Reply
:iconselfproclaimedcobalt:
SelfProclaimedCobalt Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2011  Student Digital Artist
No problem! I'm very serious, I loved this
Reply
:iconbriannakitty:
Briannakitty Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
I wish I could fav this...its amazing!
Reply
:iconkikiine:
Kikiine Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2011  Student Digital Artist
AWWW thanks so much! ;A;
Reply
:iconbriannakitty:
Briannakitty Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
never a problem.
Reply
Add a Comment: